I saw one the other day: “I met Jesus in prison”. Damn, what did he do?

Let’s be honest, the teachings of Jesus aren’t that great either.

This may be too obscure a reference, but I’ll try anyway: What’s the Doug score?

Pish posh. If security is your game, chmod 000 -R / is your game. Don’t forget to run iptables -A input -i any -j DROP to stop those ne’er-do-wells on the LAN from fuckin up your server with their filthy, virus infested client machines.

See, this is where you just extend the measurement time period for your uptime 9’s rating. You can have 87 hours of downtime and still achieve 4 9’s if you just measure over a century. If you break your SLA, just extend it to a millennium.

Nothing says conservative like failing to see the hypocrisy of your own ideology.