Maybe my experience is out of the norm, but I did some searching online for recommendations of psychologists that do ADHD evaluations. I called the most recommended and was told they had no open appointments but recommended three others that often have availability. I checked those out, chose one, and made an appointment online. They specifically have adult ADHD evaluation as a service they provide with a defined set of appointments and processes. I did an online appointment first, followed by a ton of surveys and questionnaires (it was I think 5 different forms with 30-50 questions each). My wife also did one. I had an in person appointment with some testing over the course of an hour or so, then a follow up to discuss my diagnosis. Of note, it was a few hundred dollars, paid out of our HSA and covered by insurance as mental health services. I didn’t need to “game” anything. I was on time for appointments, honest, and upfront about everything. I discussed why I was looking into this at 30+ years old (I was noticing it interfering with my work and home life more, and through talking to friends and seeing videos online I started to suspect ADHD was a likely explanation for struggles and experiences I’ve had my whole life). Medication never came up during the evaluation, and afterward it only came up in terms of an option for treatment but advised as part of a larger regime of therapy. Psychologists can’t prescribe anything anyways. I do take medication now though it isn’t a stimulant (what OP refers to as pharma speed which is a gross mischaracterization of stimulant medications for ADHD, but it seems they are aware of that and don’t care about continuing to stigmatize ADHD treatments) and both my wife and I have seen a huge difference in my ability to generally function in ways that are healthy, productive, and much more pleasant. I still need to find a therapist though, been meaning to get on that for the last year or so…

For those in the US looking into this, check out psychologists, they are fully equipped and qualified to evaluate and diagnose various types of neurodivergence in people and are easier to get appointments with than most psychiatrists (if you are diagnosed and want to try medication as a treatment option you’ll still need to find a psychiatrist, but that can be easier with a diagnosis in hand). They are generally cheaper since they aren’t medical doctors, and many insurance plans still cover their services. Don’t skip or miss appointments, especially on purpose. It isn’t going to help in a diagnosis and is likely to just make it harder to get help you need and are trying to get. Lock in on that hyper focus and be that person that’s there 20 minutes early (because with an appointment in the afternoon can you really do anything else that day anyways?). Call around, or email, most offices want to help and seem willing to point you to other providers if they can’t help you. Be prepared for a wait though, it’s common to get an appointment 3-6 months out in many areas (more reason not to miss appointments on purpose!).

Eh, it can be a lot of work but doesn’t have to be. I’ve automated backups, and if you follow current best practice guidance from industry, you should use long pass phrases and not worry about regularly rotating them. For things like SSH keys, you can rotate them if you think you’ve had a breach but in normal usage there isn’t a huge benefit security-wise since they functionally can’t be guessed and would need to be stolen. If an adversary steals your SSH keys then you’re already pretty hosed as the next step is for them to establish another backdoor to access your server without needing your key.

Honestly it’s not a ton of time. A few minutes to run patches every few weeks, and the initial investment to plan, install, and configure your services (but then that’s the fun part no?). Self hosting IMO isn’t a great way to save time and money, or even to get out of the pocket of big tech. If those are your goals you’re better off looking at hosted solutions that are Open, and likely paying for it since running IT stacks isn’t free. Self hosting is a hobby, something you do to learn and because you enjoy it. It is hard sometimes, takes time, and comes with risks, but so do most other hobbies.

It doesn’t usually matter what the service is, the basic concepts are the same. If you want to access a service you host on your internal network from another external network you either need to use a VPN to securely connect into your network, or expose the service directly. If you are exposing it directly you should put it (or a proxy like NPM) in your DMZ. The specifics of how to do this though will vary from service to service and with your specific network config.

You can run a port scan against your public IP from another network to see what is open. But if you haven’t specifically set something up for external access through port forwarding you are probably fine.

Only expose services internally then use a secure VPN to access your services, this makes your network no more vulnerable in practice than not self hosting. If you need/want to expose something to the internet, make sure you setup your network right. Use a DMZ to separate that service and leverage something like CrowdSec along with good passwords, antivirus, and keep things patched.

It wasn’t standard previously, and if you have TV service I think it’s still inconsistent but the past ~5 years it seems to be more common that they are setup that way from the start. If you have internet only service, and a newer ONT (like less than 10 years old) it is the standard configuration and is how the self install guide tell you to hook up the “quantum gateway” router from Verizon.

You can always call and ask to have your ONT converted to Ethernet output if it isn’t already and as long as it supports it I haven’t heard reports of much trouble there. The very early ONTs though don’t support it though IIRC but those should be being replaced at this point anyways.

I mean you can, an ONT is not a router, it’s essentially a media converter. I use my own router (and have for many years) and had no issues. The FiOS tech even ran a long Ethernet run in my basement to connect the ONT and my router in my rack when they installed service.

It depends, and without knowing your ISP I’m not sure there is a way to tell you for sure. I know for example Comcast gigabit Pro has been known to directly connect to an ISP SPF module in your firewall/router, but Verizon FiOS (and most FTTP that I know of) provide an ONT that converts the fiber to Ethernet which you would then connect directly to your hardware.

I would verify if the ISP router you refer to is not really an ONT in which case you are directly connected to the ISP functionally and there isn’t really an advantage to getting an SPF and getting the fiber directly connected if you even can.

I’m curious how everyone documents their core/critical configs to allow the non-technical in our homes work with it if needed. For instance if I’m on work travel and the Pi-hole goes down for whatever reason my wife wouldn’t be able to use pretty much anything online. I can remote in and fix it but that could be hours/a day or two later. Same then for the proxmox stack that everything runs on.

Along the same lines, how are folks documenting for EOL? It may not be a happy thought but we are all going to go someday, so what is your plan and how have you ensured loved ones can access/save important data?

From YouTube and friends that have it I definitely suspected I did in my 20s. It wasn’t until my early/mid 30s though I got evaluated for it due to issues I was starting to have getting things done at work (forgetting things that needed completed, missing details, zoning out on calls more often). I think I masked it well previously because my work was varied and challenging but a new role had me doing more mundane things that required experience and attention to details but weren’t difficult for me or overly stimulating.

I use Backblaze B2 through my Synology NAS to offsite my important data. Most things though I just backup locally and accept the risk of needing to rebuild certain things (like most of my movie/TV media files since I can just re-rip my physical media, and the storage costs are not worth the couple of days of time in that unlikely case).

I really think this is key when thinking about your backup strategy that is specific to self hosting compared to enterprise operations. The costs come out of our pockets with no revenue to back it up. Managing backups for self hosting IMO is just as much about understanding your risk appetite and then choosing a strategy to match that. For example I keep just single copy in B2, since the failure mode I’m looking to protect against is catastrophic failure of my NAS which holds my main backups and media. I then use Proton Drive and OneDrive to backup secrets for my 2FA setups and encryption for my B2 bucket. This isn’t how I would do it at work (we have a fair more robust, but much more expensive setup). But my costs for B2 are around $15/mo which I am fine with. When I tried keeping multiple copies it had grown to over $50/mo before I cared enough to really rethink things (the cost of the hobby I told myself).

I was just talking to my wife about this today. I started taking atomoxetine about a month ago. It isn’t instant the same way stimulants are so it’s been a steady, gradual change, but when I compare me today to me 3 months ago it honestly makes me want to cry. I made a doctors appointment today that I’ve been putting off for something the two years (it’s not something I really wanted to do and required I call to schedule it). But I stopped the video I was watching, made the call, and am going in about a week. I can clean up after a project now, I have the ability to just go do a task that needs done when it needs done. When it looked like I would not be able to get meds for a week or so I just couldn’t imagine going back to how I was before, I just refuse. I’m happier, more productive, and my marriage is better as we argue less over me not doing what she asked me to do because I forgot again. My push now is for my wife to schedule an evaluation since she is pretty sure she has inattentive type. I’m hoping seeing me be happier will help push her.

Thanks, I guess my real concern is it may be a few days/a week before my insurance decides to grace me with their decision on if they will cover my medication. I plan to talk to my doctor about it during my appointment tomorrow but wanted to be prepared (because anxiety of the unknown and all that).

Something like LPS/TENS would fit your needs exactly, but it stopped being supported in 2021. It was essentially Tails but was built to be run from a wide verity of sources (we used to network boot onto PCs that had no hard drives at all, but had local network share access).

I’ve always known this as “analysis paralysis” and it’s super common in certain fields and certain people. I work with a lot of engineers and this is the bane of my existence some days at work. But I get it, I do the same thing sometimes.

I usually break out of cycles like this when something gets so bad I have to fix it which leads to a short period of hyper productivity that is exhausting but at least things are getting done? I also ask my wife to choose something to do, then I don’t get stuck letting perfect be the enemy of done.

I hate when this happens to me, and it’s all the time. Usually I’ll finish a project and either leave the tools in the room I was working in (the project was done, so I moved on to other tasks, cleaning up is its own project of course) or they get piled my the basement door to eventually get put back in the tool chest. But then my lovely wife, whom I love more than anything, cleans up because either we have friends coming over, or because she’s stressed and cleaning is what she does. She’ll put away those tools, and the screws I left out, plus all those cords I need for that thing. To me all of those things are not gone forever. Even assuming I’d remember I left them out a month or three ago, they aren’t even there anymore anyways, they are where she thought they should go and I don’t know where that is.

I was also recently diagnosed in my mid thirties, I’ve strongly assumed I’ve had adhd for the past 3-4 years but never went to get a diagnosis because I’m generally successful at work, have a bs and masters in sorts difficult fields, and did pretty okay in school (I was just “lazy” and didn’t do homework, but would ace tests). Over the past year though work has gotten extremely busy and we’ve been very short staffed and it’s all caught up with me. I had a couple of episodes of near burn out that made me realize I needed to do something. Hit a fairly quick appointment with a psychologist to do testing and learned that I have combined type adhd but it was likely not noticed because my general intelligence is above average so I wouldn’t have necessarily shown the same classic signs in school. I’ve talked to my parents about it and my mom honestly never considered adhd, but as I described typical symptoms she could name tons of times I showed most of them. My brother dies too, as does my dad and uncle (we’ve always joked that the family gene was our knack of starting a hobby, getting just good enough to prove we could do it then jumping to something else, also our habit of just putting down tools and such when a job is done and never putting them away, turns out that family gene is just adhd). I’m not mad at my parents, they aren’t doctors and in the 90s/2000s add/adhd had a stigma around it for kids that had it, so if I wasn’t running in circles in the corner then of course I didn’t have it. Recently started on atomoxetine and it’s taken a couple weeks but I for sure can tell a difference. I do wonder how things like my social anxiety and overall productivity would be different if I had been on meds for the past 5 years, 10 years, etc. I don’t think I’d be in the same place I am now, but I don’t know that I’d be better out worse, just maybe a bit more satisfied in a more regular basis. Our struggles and experiences are what mages us who we are. You have the friends you do, interests you enjoy, and hobbies (maybe too many) you do because of your past. Sure it wasn’t the most fun, and certainly not easy, but don’t look at it like a loss or a waste, look at now like a new chapter that you are entering.

Another plus one for Proton with your own domain.

Self hosting sounds good, but it’s fraught with mines that if you don’t know what you’re doing can take from “can’t send email because my domains been back listed” to “everything in my network is now sending spam to the entire world”. Sure, many folks self hosting sounds with no issues, but the price for configuring something wrong can be steep and IMO is just not worth the trouble and risks when there are good options for encrypted, privacy protecting email services for a reasonable price.

This 100%

There is a limit to how much I can excel under high pressure environments until everything falls apart and I spiral into what seems like incompetence.

It’s actually that fall that caused me to finally get diagnosed. It took a couple years, a pandemic, and multiple people at my job retiring in short order, but I finally couldn’t balance all the spinning plates any more.