I’ve been off work in April. I’d been struggling to do anything, even the simplest of tasks and eventually everything ground to a halt. It’s usually pretty bad during winter times, but some years it’s particularly horrible. I was diagnosed initially as Bipolar Type 2 as the issue seemed to be a cycle of long downs and ups. Then I got an ADHD diagnosis and the medication helped with the ‘brain fog’. But it didn’t solve everything. After awhile the task initiation problem always reappears. My doctors often say it’s depression and increase the anti-depressant medication I’m on. Sometimes you get a temporary bump in activity a few weeks later but it never really goes away for good.
A recent trip to the northern summer where my symptoms mostly alleviated suggested it’s likely a co-morbidity between Seasonal Affective Disorder and ADHD. I’ve started light therapy which is helping a little, but I still feel stuck.
The attached image is my ‘model’ for how I function. Currently, at the start of Spring, I feel the same as I did late April when I left work. This makes sense accordingly to the model. But it feels like the uptake in energy during the summer is masking this task initiation problem rather than being a ‘cure’ for it. Every time the energy dips below normal it reveals how much I’m struggling.
I’m sick of this. I just want to go back to work. Summers are great – I go running, eat healthy, get creative, fix up the house. Every other season is rubbish.
This is more of a rant than anything else, but any advice would be appreciated. Other than saying ‘just start small and do the task’ that is. I’ve been given that advice way too many times to no effect.
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I joke I’m solar-powered. Light therapy just gives me a shorter boost of (vaguely manic) energy, like drinking a bit too much coffee (I’m thinking about less light for longer). But having 12+ hrs instead of 8hrs makes all the difference - I stop taking my stimulants and still get most things done. Having the pressure to get my workouts done before the sun makes it impossible also helps set up my day. If I don’t have that pressure, I get caught in executive disfunction.
Interesting post, I can definitely relate to this - the more sun the more time I have to be energetic which allows for more activity. Interesting you mention exercise - it’s meant to be important, but it’s hard to rise over the hurdle to get started.
Looks rough, but also seems wonderfully predictable
The predictability is honestly unbearable at times - like I’d rather be down all the time or up all the time. Knowing your full potential and not being able to get their is extremely frustrating.
The grass is always greener, I feel like if I knew when I’d be up things would be a lot easier
I have seasonal mood shifts which could be adhd related. I am not too sure because alot of my lack of energy came from wrong nutrition and migraine + brain fog and I finally found something that helps. Its fresh food. I have tyramine intolerance I think and my energy levels increased a lot. I think there was a correlation between migraine, adhd, parkinson and depression, so look into it and maybe try a diet for 1-2 weeks? Its annoying af because like no beans, cheese, sausage nor processed foods leave little protein except fresh meat. Also vitamine d the whole year.
