So my little sister displays clear signs of both Autistic and ADHD but refuse to look into it. She a teen-ish. Everyone suspects she is autistic, both my parents and my other sister but if were to use intensive language here a bit, I would say she is very childish for someone going to high school. There are other reasons that makes me think she is autistic(and has adhd)
Just yesterday she mentioned she finds skin texture disgusting, and has to focus on other features in a person’s face and so gets distracted easily. She refuses to wear wet bathroom saddles. She is extremely touchy and clingy to both my mom and sister. She is stubborn as a well, always thinking she is in the right. She talks more like more like someone who learned to talk from just watching cartoons rather than other people. I could go on.
I admit, its probably my fault. I was more just pushy. I treated badly, telling her our father agrees with me and his word is law. I realise that doesn’t she want the stigma, that I am basically insuring she never wants to look into it. Its not a disease or cancer, the excuse of tough love is not applicable here.
I will just have to drop it, but it hurts me that she has resources that I didn’t have access to when I was her age.
As an AuDHD person - Nothing. Absolutely, positively, nothing. She is your sister, not your daughter.
Even if she did get the diagnosis, she could refuse to acknowledge it and nothing would change. Guess how I know.
Sounds like you’re the one with the problem honestly. Best to worry about your own life and problems than your siblings. She sounds cool to me.
Her main problems are concentrating in lessons. We think she may have other learning disability and her grades are suffering for it.
We intended to at least enroll her in summer courses but she’s as stubborn as ox. She thinks it is waste of money, feeling that she’s just lazy.
I dont think your wrong though, both about me and her, I just dont know where to go from here.
The way to help her is not trying to change her mind. Show acceptance. You love her, but the way you manifest it hurts her.
You have to learn how to love. I don’t mean care for her. I mean love, as in taking her in all: the good, the bad, the ugly.
She’s allowed to be stubborn, sad, angry, suspicious. Do not admonish her for showing those “bad” emotions, specially if you don’t think they’re warranted. All you can do then is ask how she feels and whether she’d like to get a hug, or perhaps just be left alone.
It’s going to take time. Building trust always does. But she won’t listen to you until you become a person she reaches out to when things get tough. Right now it sounds like she doesn’t feel you got her back.
I sincerely hope for the both of you that you can deepen your relationship before you go live on your own. It really gets much much harder after that.
Support her. Love her. Don’t judge her and her choices.
It sounds like you are projecting your situation and your historic unmet needs on your sister. Deal with your own shit.
The narrative that, “Help exists! You just have to ask!” is incredibly toxic and is often used to blame people for their own disorders. The fact is that meaningful help does not always exist in a form that is accessible, and often does not exist at all. You cannot protect your sister from having autism. But you can certainly make her feel bad about having autism, if you are not careful.
Present it as something that will help her do the things she wants to do, better. Try not to make her feel like there’s something wrong with her. We don’t deal with that very well.
A positive thing you could do is to continue to learn about the experiences that AuDHD people have and productive ways to support them. If you understand the challenges she has it will be easier to be patient when she has difficulties. This may even lead to an understanding of how to effectively communicate the idea to her in a way she doesn’t immediately reject.
Worst case, you grow your understanding for a large group of people that frequently have difficulty functioning in society.
Put yourself in her shoes- it’s a heavy burden to be right all the time, so she’s got a lot on her plate already
Can I just ask… what in the hell is a wet bathroom saddle??
We have
saddlesandals for the bathroom.
Relax. It’s not contagious. Look after yourself and trust that your sister (probably) knows herself better than you know her.
It is getting dangerous to have an autism diagnosis in this day and age. It can also prevent you from being able to immigrate since it’s considered a “disability”. Unless she truly needs accommodations, it is not worth it.
I declined all my accommodations I was offered in school for my epilepsy for this exact reason. I’m already ostracized for it, why would I make it worse by furthering the divide between me and my classmates.
It’s getting safer in some places, but i think you’re right that OP is american
If I was in the same room, I would want to interrogate your assumptions and your desired outcomes here.
On the bright side, I think you’re making some really good and convincing observations for her being AuDHD, maybe if you write them down, one day it’ll be helpful or convincing to her.
It’s your job as her sibling to tell her things she does not want to hear. Try to be understanding but let her know that she might regret not having done anything later on. That’s time she will never get back.
