this week i am reading When McKinsey Comes to Town: The Hidden Influence of the World’s Most Powerful Consulting Firm and i think i can speak with confidence when i say that i hope every McKinsey consultant chokes on a grape
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I came out to my mom, which went about as well as it could’ve given she has a terminal case of way too much Fox News. She’s now taking it upon herself to more-or-less concern troll about my mental health which is funny. I’m still hoping it’ll turn out well with her, but I’m prepared for the worst. 🤷
My partner and I have agreed to an amicable separation. It sucks, but I’m also having the realization just how much I’ve fought myself over them. How much longer I’ve been denying my own truth to try and live theirs.
So, kinda a mixed bag so far! Trying to keep my head up, reminding myself that this is my opportunity. I’ve been wanting to actually live my life as myself. Now, the only thing really stopping me is myself, and feeling that, feeling like I’ve finally hit the point to telling myself “No, I’m done trying to hide this from everyone offline”, has been rather personally empowering.
Mixed bag this week. Like, life went from being stuck in neutral to getting a job (but then not starting today because IT didn’t create my account) and having to navigate healthcare decisions for my dad while also getting back online after an IRS refund actually went through for the first time in years.
Pretty sure I’ve not gone to bed with the same mindset I awoke in for a couple of weeks at this point, and while most of the developments are good, I’m nearly in overload in terms of processing ability. Neutral to fifth only works if you’re already going 60 mph.
On a macro scale, not too bad! On a micro scale, though, not too great.
probably going to go watch a herding trial this weekend, so that’ll be fun!
i spent last weekend pet sitting which was okay. i roughhoused with the dog a bit too much and she accidentally bit my hand instead of the toy. no broken skin but it’s pretty bruised in a weird spot, so that’s annoying.
echo (border collie) did her first full set of six straight weaves! i’ve been training her with the channel method, and it’s awesome to watch her work through what i want. such a smart cookie.
Great, I started my job and it’s going well, things with my girlfriend are going well, no complaints really.
Week’s going pretty well so far. I recently got back into photography, and I happen to live directly under a landing pattern for the local airport, so I’ve been trying to get decent shots of planes landing. It’s a lot of fun watching the flight radar, tracking flights, and running out to set up my camera in time. I only have a short moment before they dip behind the trees, but I’m getting there! I’m also getting some pretty good shots of the moon from my balcony. This camera’s from 2017 and is used, but it’s not bad!
Having to prepare myself for this weekend though. CW: grief: this will be the first time we celebrate my mom’s birthday without her, and I already know it’s going to be equal parts hard, surreal, and sad. We’re going to go out and see my dad and just hang out, not really sure what the plan is. My aunt wants to release butterflies or something, which seems a bit trite and exploitative to the animals, but to be honest Bees, I’m not trying to get into that. We’re all grieving in our weird little ways. I think I’ll try and find her old camera equipment, swap this bag I’m using out for her old one.
But enough about that. It’s good to let it out and all, but I’m not trying to dwell on that shit, so have some pictures!
It’s a hard one.
I’m no longer adapted to in-office work, so doing a two-day stretch wore me out, and I have many more meetings than usual this week.
BUT, tomorrow’s Friday.
Hope everyone has a good week!
It’s so far a bland week. Not amazing, but not bad either so I cannot complain.
A positive thing is that my family was able to save $40 a month on our internet plan. So that’s cool.
I really want to do something creative, but I’m in a bit of a creative rut at the moment. I’m sure I’ll figure something out. It’s a funny issue to have
It’s been up and down. Moment-to-moment it kinda sucks, because my anxiety is through the roof and I can’t keep a gym routine or take care of myself. I feel like I’m slacking at work because of it.
But big picture? It’s actually amazing. After years of struggling to find healthcare, my friend is finally starting HRT, and I’m so proud of him for not giving up. I’m starting adderall tomorrow and praying to whoever listens that it does something. I’m in my 30s with less than a high school education and if I could focus for the first time in my life, maybe I could get a degree and get out of retail.
EDIT: I just remembered that I smoked weed at the beginning of the month. I’m probably going to fail my drug test and things won’t get better.
Like 5yrs ago, I took a drug test for a new job. A few days before they called me, offering me said job, I had taken a gummy or two. Because I didn’t think I was going to get the job. They scheduled me for the drug test, but I pushed it out as far as I could, like 3 weeks, and I passed. Now it’s not like I was consuming THC regularly. It’d probably been months since the last time I’d consumed any in any form. I don’t know what your habit is like, but if you’re in a similar situation, you might be OK.
And even if they do detect it, that could be a false positive. It happens. Then they make you take another, right? Maybe push that out a little, too, to give your body more a little more time to get rid of it.
Oh, thank you! Yeah for some reason re-taking the test never occurred to me. I guess I just thought, I don’t know, everything would fade to black and credits would start rolling.
The trial dose they gave me improved my job dramatically, so I’m going to do everything I can to get a refill.
I’m in a glass box of emotion, in an easy to read list:
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SCOTUS and the entire justice system in the US scare the shit out of me and are giving off some very Weimar Republic vibes with their handling of important issues. We are all thinking of how tiered and corrupt this cavalcade of insanity has been, but I’ve yet to hear anyone at the top do or say anything to fight back.
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I have a student who is just a total asshole who absolutely needs to be kicked out of my class. Really disappoints me. The mountain of paperwork is exhausting but I’m doing it because someone in a position of power needs to do the right thing once in awhile.
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I’m loosing weight and just need to get over this plateau and into my goal area. So close but wow is Laphroaig delicious on cool evenings.
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New “older me” personal best on the bench. So I got that going for me, which is nice. I use our college gym and it’s amazing. Most of the staff use the faculty hour but early in the morning, it’s only dedicated athletes and people who want to be there. It’s incredible and extremely satisfying to never need to wait for anything, and loose myself in heavy metal. 10/10.
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Since AI is all the rage here, I used it for qualitative coding. Not to do my research. But to summarize and make suggestions. After playing with prompts it was pumping out time saving insights to empower me to dive deeper. Saved me MONTHS of work.
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Finished a really funny article in the Atlantic on cruise ships. Awesome writing. Great story.
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Some really bad stuff happened again but it doesn’t seem to be repeating soon so hopefully the rest of the week will be fine. I still can’t get my PC repaired though and it’s quite a problem because it’s basically the only source of entertainment in my current situation and health condition. And my mental health in general is just getting more and more unstable. At this point I’m kinda waiting for a complete meltdown because then I won’t care about anything and maybe will finally get some good rest (I can’t even sleep properly now)
Building a statue in minecraft to get my zen on.
Pretty damn bad. Everything feels so hopeless. Things just keep piling on and getting worse. Now I won’t have phone/Internet service to help me talk to friends and help distract myself from my disabilities/health issues/chronic pain/life issues etc which is extra sucky since I’m pretty much bedbound. So I won’t have a connection to the outside world anymore. And I still haven’t figured out how to help my poor kitty and I hate that she’s suffering and I’m too non-functioning and broke to do anything about it. I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know why I’m posting this and it probably makes no sense but I’m trying not to dump my issues on my poor friends. So I guess I’m screaming into the void, I dunno. I’m sorry. I hate myself lol
