Neither of us are very techy and I told him I’d look into this for him because he’s juggling 100 different things right now. I think my dumb ass relaying instructions on how to do this, to his dumb ass, would end in tears.

Appreciate the info, neither of us want to support zionists.

Oh yeah I know, I wasn’t thinking about dating. I’m hideous. I just want to meet someone who doesn’t loathe me. I think it would be nice

ETA I do think being straight is easier even if dating is hard. None of the straight people I know have families trying to cast demons out of them, none of them make friends only to later hear them talking about how their demographic are secretly trying to corrupt America and kill the Jewish people, et cetera.

New job on the way, I should be happy, but I feel insanely depressed.

I wish I didn’t live over an hour away from the gay nightlife. I wake up at 5 and everything starts after I’ve been awake for 16 hours. I’m too sleepy and anemic to make the drive.

I had to see my family and listen to them talk about how jealous they are that I’m forced to live in such a “quaint” backwater shithole even though I’ve told them I hate it. It must be soooooo easy to be straight. I have to jump through hoops to meet someone who doesn’t loathe me, and they’re all jealous.

That’s awesome, I’m glad you have people you can depend on.

If I’m being honest, my family is more like an anchor. None of them ever learned to help themselves and that still expect me to do it. I’m just going to try to change the part of my personality that wants a social life.

Rough as usual. Overworked, underappreciated. I have a driving test coming up for a new job, but my current job won’t give me the day off, and I don’t want to quit until I’ve passed that test. I’ll work it out, it’s just stressing me out.

Multiple people online and in person have been unpleasant dicks to me when I honestly wasn’t trying to do anything wrong and it kind of depresses me. I want a social life but I hate people.

People still don’t know what Mastodon is. I mentioned it recently and someone asked, “isn’t it mostly white supremacists?”

Oh shit, I hope you’re doing okay these days!

Mine are occasionally sore, but most of the time they’re just tender to the touch. They are pretty hard, too 😬

Thanks. I’m just getting discouraged because conversations fizzle out eventually, or things go well at first but then they stop texting back. It takes so long to get to know people and it feels like it usually goes nowhere even when I think they’re really cool.

Rough. Can’t find any jobs in my town besides factories and trucking, so I guess I’m probably gonna go work in a factory.

Lymph nodes been swollen for three days and I can’t get to a doctor for nine more days, so that’s frustrating.

I feel lonely and detached all the time. I miss when my friends and I were close. I’ve tried meeting new people but it’s not the same.

If I’m not too tired after work tomorrow I’m planning a solo trip, just for the evening. There’s a park an hour away where I’ve heard you can see the stars, so maybe I’ll hit the local shops and grab an ice cream or something and wait til sundown. Maybe that’ll cheer me up.

Meh. If you’re the sort of person who cares, you probably stopped using TikTok when they started sucking up to Trump. If you still use it, you probably support Amazon, too.

Bad. Tired. There are 2000 picks in the system at any given time and I’m not making a dent in the work and they’re guilting me for not working over.

I just feel really emotionally unstable and all my relationships stress me out.

Frustrating. They changed my shift from 8am to 5am at the last minute. Spent the whole week sleep-deprived and sluggish, had to miss things I really wanted to do because every day after work I’ve basically struggled to do chores then struggled to get to bed on time. Also where I do so much walking on the job, I finally rubbed through the thighs in my last decent pair of pants, and couldn’t find a single new pair that fit me.

Psychiatrist changed the app she uses for video calls, to one that doesn’t work. Every device I tried it on just gave me a white page with a permission error. So no psychiatrist appointment, no adderall refill. That’s going to be fun.

My cat is starting to get restless with our daily walks. They’ve tripled in length and she’ll never come in on her own anymore, I have to carry her, hissing and growling, back to the apartment. The whole time we’re outside she’s just mad that I won’t let her climb the neighbor’s fence. Even though she doesn’t enjoy it, she spends all night howling if we don’t do it. I love her a lot but I’m getting tired.

At least it’s a beautiful day.

Met cool people at a queer event last Saturday. Tried to keep in touch but I had a panic attack when I went to message one of them and it put me off trying again for several days. Couldn’t sleep for a few days so that made it worse. Finally managed to text the one I really wanted to talk to but I guess I took too long because they never replied. I don’t feel like I can ever be around people.

I guess I’m still recovering from leaving my old friend group. Not bad people, but neurodivergent in a way I’m too socially incompetent for. Yesterday I flubbed my words and accidentally expressed the wrong sentiment, and I immediately felt the panic wash over me, because last time I did that, I caused a friend to have a nervous breakdown and start like… rewriting his childhood memories to match what I accidentally said, since it contradicted his lived experience.

Friendship is so high stakes, I always feel like if I say the wrong thing I’m going to ruin someone’s life. I hate being lonely but I don’t know how people can stand it.

I’m actually against AI art since creative professions are already lacking in labor rights, and it’s going to get worse now that they’re trying to make artists replaceable.

But one of the worst things about it, to me, is that it’s caused artists to start going to bat for IP laws. IP law is the reason you don’t get to finish that story you spent years on, because HBO deleted it in a tax write-off. You don’t even get to talk about what it might have been like, because you’re under NDA.

Now people want it to be illegal to be influenced by copyrighted things. Great.

Thanks ❤️

I think it was unkind, but I also get why he lost his temper. Looking back I wasn’t being rational, was doing relationship OCD stuff and being really frantic about it, too. He could’ve said the exact right thing and it wouldn’t have helped. Been working on it, but I backslid hard.

Gonna try not to take his words to heart but they did feel pretty bad for a little while.

I feel like I should be good. I dragged myself to D&D on Thursday and then speed dating on Saturday, met a lot of people and had fun.

But as soon as both ended, I just felt hollow. I haven’t texted anyone back because I don’t think I can do friendships/relationships.

The day of the speed dates I got into an argument with my best friend. I guess I misunderstood something he said so my response made no sense. I thought I was spilling my heart and he just said, “what the fuck are you talking about? How the fuck was that your takeaway?”

And the fight was my fault, I fucked up. I don’t think he was unfair. But I feel incoherent and annoying when we talk, and I don’t think I want to make any more friends.

Man… This was actually the thing that pushed me to delete Twitter a while back, algorithm error was feeding people gore. I never even saw any of it, but the anxiety of trying to avoid it wasn’t worth it.

The way things are going, I predict by 2026 my screen time will be down to zero hours.

Not great. I’m really lethargic lately. I don’t think I’ve done one thing for leisure, it’s all just cook/gym/work/sleep. Any second I’m not doing what’s necessary to maintain my body or my paycheck, I’m out cold.

My therapist had an emergency so we’ve had to delay the session by quite a bit. I have some social engagements coming up and I wanted to talk with her before canceling them. I think I’ll just do it, I don’t think I feel like meeting people.

The weird thing is, the majority of the time I wasn’t even criticizing them. A lot of the time I’d be bitching about my own life and I’d try to be as specific as possible but my friend was convinced I was secretly talking about him, and our other friends agreed I was partially at fault.

Of course the times I did criticize them went even worse. I developed a habit of just agreeing with them and complying to all their criticisms of me, but that upset them more because it turned out they didn’t believe all their criticisms and just said them because they were mad.

I don’t know. I just don’t want to make friends anymore because it’s damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I keep shoving myself into queer spaces because I always wanted to find love before I die, but I don’t think I like being close to people anymore. It’s confusing and uncomfortable.