Finished the witch

Without trust, there is no free candy

Went to my first Renaissance Fair and concert on the same day. It was quite the day—fam bullshit, might’ve lost a connection w a good friend I was starting to get to know… But I did get to see some cool things. I really liked the Ren Fair—just unfortunate timing so we couldn’t stay long. It was also my first concert. My brother got me merch. Danced in a mosh pit. Saw that most people were not wearing earplugs 😬 Had to leave early bc I’m not a night owl. I ended up being so wiped out.

Inner feelings-wise, I’ve been feeling impatient about “getting on with my life.” Logically I know it’s one step at a time, but my heart is just yearning for freedom and independence. I just feel like the odds are stacked up against me right now, or maybe it’s just too daunting considering I just freaking started a job so I should prob just chill. ತ_ತ

But I feel like I can’t. It’s like I have these monumental tasks in my head that are stressing me out bc I can’t just do them with the snap of my fingers. When did I get so impatient? Guess I’m just sick of my family’s lifestyle. I’m looking at the future I want and dealing with the frustrations of the present.

I guess it’s just human nature to find the next problem once you’ve taken a step forward. So I’m hoping this will all pass eventually. I’m planning on moving out in two years or so. (Kinda…cant just leave if I need to buy my own car and then aggressively pay it off.) Anyway, that’s just some of the thoughts that have been going through my head recently, so I’ve been feeling pooped. Just needed to vent.

Hope everyone’s had a good week.

Doing OK. Usual ups and downs.

My writing is improving and I’m getting a little traction on my newsletter. Its nice to see people responding and starting to share it. However, it comes at a cost of being in a quasi social media landscape. I promised myself to keep going and make a switch if I can (a) find an alternative space to publish essays or (b) land a gig at a publication aligned with my writing and interests.

My memoir of my early days in specialty coffee moved forward (thanks to everyone who suggested how to tackle a tough section). Almost done. Even got a title. My writing critique group is a joy. Reviews and comments helpful, delivered in a friendly tone. So refreshing after academic journal reviewers were my only critique experience.

Unemployment in my neck of the woods is near 10%. Still struggling with a discourse of “value = career, no job = useless” we Americans were beat over the head with from childhood. But finally getting over the end of academia.

Thanks for reading my rambling update. What a whirlwind! Now, coffee.

My work headset mic is broke again apparently. I have to use the mic built into the computer which works, but I don’t like it nearly as much. Not sure why the headset mic randomly decides not to work for a month or two and then start working again.

So far, so good. After a couple of weeks basically under the radar with everyone I know, I finally talked with my mom about the financial hole I dug myself with my ex-wife. I basically figured out a way to convert one short-term loan from CashApp into a different kind of short-term loan through them and bought myself another month.

Thankfully, by now I’d revised my argument to the point that not taking out the loan for her would have been the more expensive option overall, given the extra stop at a friend’s place by the airport to pick up my gaming rig that he never ended up using. And throwing the cherry on that was “it was an expensive lesson, but with other things going on, it led me to realize this is simply who she’s been for the past 17 years, and I can’t hope for her to ever change.”

And then pointed out we have a couple of weeks before it’s due, as interest is assessed at the time of the loan, so early repayment is pointless.

So, Arizona planning that was supposed to happen a couple of weeks ago when I lost it on her was able to proceed apace, and she had more info about her plans (only one, compared with the smorgasbord she’d been planning and thus irritating the fuck out of me with). Sounds more like the trip I’d agreed to than what she’d been trying to turn it into. The hotel in Phoenix is going to be about three miles from the house I grew up in, which in the Valley is basically next door, and that’s the mountain where we’re spreading his ashes.

No fresh hell has come my way, and we’re actually going to get the elusive week Texas never provides: Highs in the mid-80s, lows in the mid-60s, sunny, low humidity. Basically Christmas in Phoenix. Oh, and I get to avoid the stupidity of randomly changing the clock by an hour as I’ll be in Arizona for the switch to standard time.