I’m going to let some impulsive rich brat who paid $36B too much for a social media company, only to tank it and transform it into his own personal political misinformation machine to handle all my finances? Riiiiight.
Well he can fuck right off. The moron strikes again with yet another in a long line of “no one asked for this bullshit” features that hopefully completely destroys his $44,000,000,000 toy.
My bank? What the fuck lmao
Warning: US-centric semi-relevant rant inbound
As a hardcore online banker: I don’t want another fucking bank. I want the actual problem that is the slow-ass ACH network (looking at you NACHA) to be solved. Online banking was as perfect as it was going to get under Simple until they sold out.
While I’m on a rant: fuck companies that sell out. Fucking tired of amazing companies kicking ass in their field selling out. That goes for Simple → BBVA, ONE Finance → Walmart, Truebill → Rocket.
Shit man. I’m a programmer and I just want to write my own bank at this point, but that won’t happen because I’m not a multimillionaire.
Seriously I asked ChatGPT how to solve this shit and it just said “use personal finance apps” but okay? They all suck. Whose dick I gotta suck for instant ACH (remember Dwolla?), multiple checking accounts and an automated “money manager?” And don’t give me “pOCkeTs.”
You’ve described a big part of why I hate startup culture. “Let’s build cool thing then sell it to a huge company and get rich.” I’m never doing it again, such a waste of time and energy.
Simple selling to BBVA was shit. Simple was never my main bank, but it was a nice, simple service. That was free. Then they moved to BBVA, which almost immediately got bought up by PNC, and then PNC started charging monthly fees. Closed my account before the first fees hit.
I still have a Varo account. Surprised that hasn’t gotten vacuumed up yet by one of the traditional banks.
I’ve looked at Varo a few times but each time I’m always like “nah” and never take the plunge.
These days I’m rocking Betterment. I’ve got two checking accounts but I didn’t realize both would be tied to the same debit card as a toggle; lame.
Maybe it’s time to give Varo a chance.
Hahahahahahahaha.
If this ever comes out and you actually put your money in it, you deserve whatever fuckery happens to it. I’m sorry, but I’m completely out of empathy for Musk’s fans.
He’s never going to get this past the regulators. Financial break points and buffers make sense, every financial crisis and crisis of stability has taught us that. If you continue to build too big to fail systems, it’s going to be a complete disaster. Deposit institutions shouldn’t be involved in speculative investment banking , which is what high yield usually is. You can’t pay high yields if you aren’t in turn doing any sort of high yield activity with investor deposits. Or without any sort of prop trading. Which he’s sort of suggesting this is going to be. Some of this sounds like it’s going to break the Volcker rule.
Not to even mention this might not qualify for FDIC protections.
Hmm, this seems like the sort of addition where it might have been nice to have a bunch of world leading developers and designers hanging around. Seems odd to fire them all if this was the plan.
Indeed that does seem like the sort of mistake that someone who made the largest purchase of thier life after staying up alll night playing Elden Ring would make, but i’m sure it was really a cunning 5d chess move and not evidence that our overlords who are born into wealth are just as dumb as the rest of us.
Sometimes I wonder if he’s doing it on purpose. Like, this has to be a joke, right?
The level of absurd stupidity from someone who’d once seemingly tricked us all into thinking he was really smart is just… baffling.
Oh they’re not as dumb as the rest of us, that’s the scary thing. They’re even dumber.
Is he trying to morph a social media company into the financial services company he didn’t get to build in 1999 because the board threw him out?
I don’t even trust most banks. I like my credit union, thank you very much.
Even if this wasn’t Elon Musk, the very idea of your boss having control over your finances sounds dumb as a brick.
[Musk] "And for some reason PayPal, once it became eBay, not only did they not implement the rest of the list, but they actually rolled back a bunch of key features, which is crazy. So PayPal is actually a less complete product than what we came up with in July of 2000, so 23 years ago.”
“And for some reason not only they didn’t implement a lot of my stupid ideas, but they reverted some of my dumbest takes that still went through. And 23 years later I still didn’t learn.”
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Good luck to Mr. Musk, the bank ain’t gonna give up my money without a fight.
I’m waiting for him to say something about involving crypto and AI
This is an onion, right?
