I’ve realized that I’m very mentally weak and it’s impacting my success.
I suspect I have ADHD and whenever I get an urge to distract myself, I rarely manage to resist it.
I think what I am missing is the residtance to discomfort that eg. allows sports people to carry on going even when their muscles are telling them to stop. Or the thing that allows people to defy themselves and step into an ice-cold shower.
Unfortunately I am not a person who enjoys sports and a cold shower is only something that makes sense once a day. Can you think of any exercises that I can do here and now in my room, and practice routinely that will strengthen my willpower so that I can better resist my urges in the future?
90% of willpower is preparation. Arrange your life to make the things you should do easier and the things you should avoid less convenient.
Example: To avoid sleeping in, or worse, dicking around on my phone instead of sleeping or getting up, I put my phone to charge on the other side of the bedroom.
Another: I put a speaker in my kitchen to listen to music when I wash dishes. A lot easier to wash just those last few pots, even if I feel like I’m ready for a break, if I want to finish the song.
Yeah I have been trying to do this and it has helped with my productivity. The problem is, it might make it easier for you to do but that is precisely because you are minimising the amount of willpower you have to use to get those things done. Which I think os what’s keeping me weak
ADHD Brains are different - so some advice that works for non-ADHD brains may or may not work.
In general, being present and meditation (in whatever way that works for you, but, generally the practice of observing your thoughts as they go by but not reacting to them) are helpful for ‘strengthening’ your thought patterns. Becoming aware of things and building up that muscle is how you can have more of that willpower.
Habits can be very difficult to build, don’t get discouraged. Find things that work for you and ways to incentivize or motivate yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD/ Here’s a great youtube channel
Oh yes I’ve come across her channel before. This is unrelated but have you found any good ways to deal with the ‘wall of awful’ that she describes in one of her videos?
The Science of Self Control is an excellent book about willpower and, well, self control. It goes into the science of it and how to use that to your advantage.
One thing I do is to reduce friction. You are more likely to do something if you make whatever it is easier to do. Conversely, if you want to stop doing something, increase friction (make it harder to do). Two examples:
You want to go to the gym in the mornings? Go to bed a bit earlier, get everything ready the night before, and maybe even sleep in your gym clothes.
Your want to stop eating cookies? Put them somewhere you’re less likely to walk past them or see them.
In your case, maybe try removing things that are distractions, e.g. put your phone on the other side of the room.
Sleeping in my gym clothes sounds like a radicaly effective move. Especially as it physocally connects evening me to tomorrow me, which I otherwise struggle to mentaly do…
Get tested for ADHD. If you have it, start working with a therapist who specializes in ADHD and can prescribe medication if necessary.
Or the cheaper option drink a coffee. Did it make it easier to focus? Yes? Then ADHD, so drink lots of coffee. Lol, but seriously just get tested.
Is the coffee thing real? I’ve been thinking about getting tested, but if the coffee thing is real I really should. I thought it helped everyone focus, though I recognize I drink a lot more than average
Yes, for most people it makes them jittery. Similar to how Adderall makes nurotypical people manic/high. High caffeine intake is self medicating.
ADHD and ADD brains are functioning slower in parts, but this results in the typical symptoms of these disorders. So drugs that are “stimulants” bring the slow parts of the brain up to speed. In a typical brain these drugs over stimulate it.
Have you ever had this happen to you?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fYg5hSgtug
I thought I was neurotypical but when I found out this wasn’t normal I realized I must have ADHD.
Oh fuck me. I looked up how expensive it was to get tested earlier and was like na, not worth it, but that video fucked me up. I always thought I was just better at cleaning when I had a clean kitchen and did things in the right order… Which often involves a quick trip to the store…
When I was in grade 2 I had an old substitute teacher tell us a story about how he trained his willpower by setting an alarm every night at 3 am and when it went off he’d do 10 jumping jacks.
I tried it that night, got out of bed and did 2 jumping jacks before realizing this was the dumbest thing ever. If I had the willpower to get out of bed in the middle of the night to exercise I already had the willpower in the first place.
But weirdly enough ever since that night I’ve been able to get out of bed on the first alarm
Meditation. It’s scientifically proven to help with ADHD.
Dr K at Healthy Gamer has a tonne of really great advice for dealing with this and especially for ADHD sufferers. He talks about urge-surfing and how to develop and strengthen the parts of your brain that end up giving you back control in terms of decision making, willpower and responding to habits. Here’s a short on urge-surfing but have a dig thru the rest of the channel https://youtube.com/shorts/SUgJdsTCs0E?feature=share
There is some good advice in this thread, but if you do have ADHD, then the advice is only as good as your ability to carry it out, and saying “just do the thing” will only end up demoralising you.
From my perspective (42, diagnosed with ADHD four years ago), it’s been damn near impossible for me to noticeably improve myself. It’s only when I reflect on my progress that I begin to notice positive changes.
Ultimately, it’s about training your perspective on a task. Are you failing to do things, or are you choosing to prioritise other tasks instead. Do those other tasks have positive outcomes (however tenuous they may be)? If this is the case, then you could work on choosing to prioritise the tasks that are expected of you.
In terms of my working day, my job is an issue for me, as it doesn’t really have a set form, and is almost entirely self-led. If I don’t do what’s expected of me, no one really notices, and that’s actually a problem for me, because left to my own devices I’ll gladly spend all day fucking about online, then feel like shit because I’ve not been productive*. So I’ve learned to tackle this by physically writing myself a To Do list first thing in the morning, that I then input into a daily timetable spreadsheet. Then I use an app called Cold Turkey to block access to websites of my choosing for a period of time. Only then am I able to focus on the tasks at hand.
In time, your brain will (hopefully) begin to mould itself around a different way of being, and while it will not likely become second nature to you, it will become easier to recognise when your distraction has taken control.
*of course, almost all of the problems we face are as a result of being forced to exist in a capitalist society, where we’re all trained to assign our personal worth to the worth of the work we produce. If we neurodivergents were able to live outside that paradigm, we’d be fine.
Yeah, this is what I’ve found too unfortunately. Brute forcing yourself to do stuff only progresses you at a snails pace.
I’m waiting to get diagnosed but its still a few months off so I’m trying this for now…I don’t think an app like cold turkey would work for me (don’t trust that I won’t disable it), but what I have managed to do in the past is dedicate a certain device to work tasks only, and also ban myself from using the internet in one certain room (I essentially tricked my brain to pretend that there was no WiFi there). I coukd focus way better in that room knowing that if I needed to use the internet, I’d first have to go all the way down the coridor.
I have found it useful, even healthy in stressfulness work situations, to allow myself the distraction - but only for a little while. This works fairly well for me.
Do one other thing. Play only one round of Minesweeper (yes, that’s me). Read only one thing on Lemmy. Pick one of those. Then get back to work. For a while, anyway.
Well, the research says that therapy is great, but only after you’re on meds. You don’t lack willpower, it’s a physiological problem that needs to be addressed by medical care.
I always get myself to do things I don’t want to by thinking “Future-me is going to be much happier when he finds that present-me did this already.”
Helps me find the motivation to exercise, make myself a good cup of coffee instead of a kcup, do the dishes after dinner, lots of things. And past me is such a bro, saved me from present-me having to do those things.
I’ve tried this before but it hasn’t worked for me so far unfortunately :-/ I thunk it’s because my brain sees tomorrow-me to be a different and detached person…
A good morning routine is perfect for building momentum. I wake up at 6 AM and walk to my bathroom where I keep a bottle of water, as I am always thirsty in the morning. I brush my teeth, meditate, and engage in some light cardio, (literally something like 50 jumping jacks. It’s nothing too serious) Afterward, I take a warm shower, gradually lowering the temperature until it’s cold. Finally, I eat breakfast.
That’s a morning routine that works for me and is (mostly) copied from a Youtube video I watched on how to stay motivated. This is what works for me so I think it may be a good watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOEfDcGbbXo&t=362
Delayed gratification.
This is going to be funny, but … edging yourself during masturbation.
Heh I guess I can see how that helps. Because I was thinking something along the lines of forcing myself to close a YT video half way through, which is essentially the same effect. (Not that YT videos make me orgasm or anything lol)
Siiiigh. I don’t wanna. It’s true though.
Cold showers.
Especially after warm shower for the first half.
You should aim to barely be reacting. Focus on your breathing to distract your whole nervous system from the feeling of discomfort the cold water brings.
You’re training your body to not react to adverse events. To roadblocks, to shitty situations, to things that might otherwise derail you.
Cold showers are key.
Or, ya know… Batting cages.
Or, ya know… Batting cages.
Bruh this is precisely the sort of training I need
