• RickRussell_CA@lemmy.world
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    3 years ago

    This is going to seem minor, but it was a shock to me.

    I grew up in Texas. I lived in very metropolitan places – near downtown Dallas, and near the Houston medical center. So I never thought that I was culturally isolated or anything.

    When I finally left the state for a job, I went to Los Angeles, circa 2007. In my first week there, a lady pulled up next to me on the street and asked me where the courthouse was. I had a vague idea, but explained that I was new to the area so my advice should be taken with a grain of salt. People familiar with the LAX area will know that the nearby courthouse is a tall building with something resembling a crown or halo, I pointed her toward that.

    It wasn’t until a couple of minutes later I realized what seemed strange about the encounter. The lady was of African-American descent.

    I thought back on 3 decades of living in Texas, and I cannot once remember being approached by a black stranger and asked a question. Not one single time. Houston has a large homeless population, I had many encounters with panhandlers. I couldn’t remember one single black person.

    In fact, as I thought about it, a HUGE difference between Texas and California was that black folks on the street behaved very differently. In California, they looked you in the eye, they said “hello”, etc. In Texas – at least, up until I left in 2007 – black folks were strictly “heads down, eyes on your own business”. Even thinking back on some black friends and co-workers, I realized that they behaved very differently in public than my white friends did.

    The whole thing made me sad for my black friends back in Texas. And now that we know how police treat black folks, I guess I can see why they behaved the way they did.

  • Gormadt@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    3 years ago

    Going to sound weird but going to one of my childhood friend’s house

    He had a loving family where everyone was happy and helped each other. They communicated with each other happily about things that interested them. They were unafraid to share what was on their minds and what they were passionate about. They asked each other to do things without threatening or screaming. When they did have disagreements they talked them out. They’d say, “I love you,” without a hint of pain or irony.

    It was jarring. It threw me off. I went over to his place a lot (like literally almost every day for the time were friends) and it wasn’t until I had been going to his place for a few weeks did it dawn on me that I had never seen his parents argue.

    And honestly one of the most eye opening experiences from when I was young about how a family is supposed to function.

    I guess you could say it was culture shock because my relatives operated on a culture of fear, hatred, and a lack of love. The phrase, “You have to love me, I’m family,” was uttered entirely too many times. Violence and the threat of violence was the only motivator my relatives used.

    I was friends with that guy for 3 years. I’ll never forget his parents telling me that they saw me as family. I’d say those years did more good for shaping who I am today than all the years I spent with my relatives. I look back fondly on the time I spent with them. I wish it didn’t end the way it did though.

    I hope they’re all doing well.

    • trashcan@sh.itjust.worksOP
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      3 years ago

      Sounds pretty similar to how my gf responded to my family. We don’t always realize how lucky (or unlucky) we are.

      • pingveno@lemmy.ml
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        3 years ago

        I didn’t realize how lucky I was to have my immediate family, my mother’s extended family, and my husband’s family. We get along well and can talk openly even about contentious or difficult issues. My mother and her sisters have showed an excellent way to structure a family, where each has specialized on certain areas: finance, technology, organization, etc. They all have a deep trust built up over a lifetime that they will work in the best interest of each family member.

        As I got older, I started hearing people’s experiences with terrible family situations, chiefly online. I also started to hear and see more of my dad’s side of the family. Two individuals on that side have bipolar disorder. My grandmother’s bipolar disorder destroyed her marriage to my grandfather and led to a messy divorce. The treatment that was given in those days likely did more harm than good. Then my uncle also has bipolar. His bipolar destroyed a marriage. Unfortunately, Switzerland where he moved to has old fashioned laws that allows one spouse (my uncle in this case) to drag their feet on a divorce.

        There is also some distrust between other family members involving my grandfather’s second wife splitting him from contact with his beloved sister and her family. Of the family I listed in the first paragraph, I simply cannot imagine any of them doing something that horrible. I would consider that intolerable in my own marriage, not that my husband would think to do so (he was friends with my husband in high school).

  • carbonprop@lemmy.ca
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    3 years ago

    Believe it or not it was a trip to Memphis for training from Canada. I am not well travelled by any means. I made it into Memphis and after a short ride, arrived at my hotel. The people who worked there were some of the most lovely people I have ever met. Southern hospitality was in their soul. I even got to sit down one afternoon with some other guests and hotel staff to discuss differences in politics, healthcare and so on. It blew my mind when people were telling me the expense of just having a baby delivered at their local hospital. I could not wrap my mind around not wanting socialized healthcare. It was the first evening in the hotel, I decided to turn on the local news for Memphis. This was the first real culture shock. The violence. Shootings, stabbings, robberies. I honestly went from feeling like this place is amazing, to this place scares the sh!t out of me. I could not understand why in a place where I had met such beautiful and lovely individuals had to live in a place that was so violent. So after my training week had finished up I decided to head to Beal street and walk around the downtown core a bit. Beal was very much what I had imagined. Kind of felt like a tourist trap. Anyhow I ventured off the beaten path and headed into the town to do some shopping around. I had left a local record shop and heard the ranting of some biker coming out of a building. He was yelling the most racist things if I have ever heard. I was floored. Most of the racists I have encountered where I live are old asshats who keep it secret. But this man out in the street let his hatred fly.

    Memphis was this weird crossover world where I was treated like gold and at the same time had to feel afraid for my safety. It still blows my mind the racism and bigotry people still face. It has stuck with me for years.

  • darkl1nk@lemmy.ml
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    3 years ago

    I must admit that I eventually got used to it and even started enjoying this attitude, which I also took part in, but I was quite amazed by the Finns.

    For work reasons, I had to spend three months in Espoo and the interaction with my colleagues was strangely cold in social interactions. Examples:

    • In the office canteen, they would sit next to you and start eating without even greeting or making conversation. I wondered why they had chosen to sit next to me.
    • When they finished eating, they would get up from the table and not say goodbye.
    • The scrupulous respect for personal space: in queues, crowds, etc.
    • Small talk was generally non-existent. People often preferred to stay quiet rather than chat about the weather or other common topics. Even in an elevator, silence was the norm, not the exception.
    • During meetings, the Finns would often speak only when they had something substantial to contribute. The silence in between wasn’t considered awkward, but a moment of thoughtfulness and respect for others’ ideas.

    I ended up enjoying this way of social interaction. It seems to me that one uses less energy in social situations. There’s less stress about having to make conversation or engage in small talks.

    Love you Finland.

    • Ataraxia@lemmy.world
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      3 years ago

      As an American I don’t want to interact with my coworkers. As an Italian I don’t want to either. I am so happy wfh right now. Socializing with people who aren’t my friends is not something I enjoy.

  • MedicareForSome@lemmy.ml
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    3 years ago

    When my Muslim coworker told me that they didn’t use toilet paper and found it disgusting.

    I later got a bidet and have never looked back.

  • PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca
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    3 years ago

    I went to India (New Delhi, Goa, Chennai, Jaipur) as a middle class Canadian.

    People hanging off the side of busses, monkeys running around everywhere, open sewage, cows eating garbage on the side of the road, literally everyone staring at me, tons of people following me trying to give me directions to tourist sites, different views on personal space.

    Shit was wild.

  • Eric Lyman@infosec.pub
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    3 years ago

    I graduated from high school in 1995. The community I grew up in was incredibly diverse. It was a decent sized city (100k+) and we had about 3,000 students the year I graduated.

    That summer, we went to rural Idaho for a family reunion. It was probably the first time in my life that I visited a place that was exclusively white. I’m a white dude myself, but like I said, grew up in a diverse community.

    The lack of diversity was a giant culture shock to me. I was in a small community with a population that was about half the size of the school I had just graduated from.

    • SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml
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      3 years ago

      Wow, I have exactly the same experience but from somewhere totally different. I grew up outside London in the UK and then had to move to the Czech Republic (essentially Eastern Europe) with my parents. Going from a very diverse city where I had friends of many nationalities to a relatively homogenous one was something I definitely noticed.

      • Vikthor@lemmy.world
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        3 years ago

        Please do not refer to Czechia as Eastern Europe. It’ simply wrong: Czechia rejected the Eastern Christianity even before the Great Schism, it never was a part of the Russian Empire and it spent most of the last millennium as a part of the HRE. The only connection - being part of the former Eastern block was so long ago that in only 4 years Czechia will be a EU member longer than it was occupied by the USSR.

        • SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml
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          3 years ago

          Ok sorry sorry I was just trying to make it easier for an American to imagine. I know it’s practically the definition of Central Europe but EE served well for what I was trying to describe.

          • Vikthor@lemmy.world
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            3 years ago

            Czechia has a racism problem sure, but that map has no data on actual Eastern European countries so there is no comparison possible. Also you can’t reduce the question of being Eastern European on one metric. Was Belgium under Leopold II. Eastern European? Nazi Germany? USA before 1863?

  • calexil@lemmy.ml
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    3 years ago

    Went to Ireland for a couple weeks. I was expecting a bunch of rowdy angry drunks, and instead was met with warmth and hospitality at every turn, and constant singing/music everywhere.

    Truly mind blowing

  • datendefekt@lemmy.ml
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    3 years ago

    I grew up in Liberia in the 80s and had to leave due to the civil war. (Remember General Butt-Naked? Yeah, that war in that country) It was a crazy time, not one big shock but a string of many smaller things. For example, I would look out the school window and see a horde of students wielding machetes overrunning the school grounds - I can’t remember what they were protesting.

    But coming back to Europe the biggest culture shocks were functioning waste disposal and utilities, and how clean everything was. Also it was hard for me to relate to people’s problems, because they seemed so trivial. Took me a while to adjust.

    • Wololo@lemmy.ca
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      3 years ago

      Yes! Being unable to relate to people’s problems due to triviality was also something that I faced as someone who moved from a third world to a first world country.

      • datendefekt@lemmy.ml
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        3 years ago

        Yayy! You understand me! I thought my comment appeared a bit asshole-ish and was almost thinking of editing it.

        In Liberia I perceived a different culture of complaining. You’ll get an earful of excuses. Much palaver and lamentation. But in the end, we’ll work something out. We might be mad now, we might laugh the issue off, but tomorrow we drink together. Or maybe not. No biggie.

  • snek_boi@lemmy.ml
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    3 years ago

    Not me, but the first time my boyfriend traveled with my family somewhere, he could not believe that sitting quietly in a living room reading was a thing. My family didn’t feel the need to fill our day to the brim with tours or shopping or other activities. And that was shocking to him.

    • Hangglide@lemmy.world
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      3 years ago

      That’s shocking to me too. Why travel if you aren’t going to make the most of being in a different place?

      • Ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        3 years ago

        if you aren’t going to make the most of being in a different place?

        They were though…

      • snek_boi@lemmy.ml
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        3 years ago

        You’re totally right! To be fair, we do go out. It’s just that people can choose what to do. There’s no scolding or pulling if you choose to stay in.

        Also, we don’t really do big expensive holidays, and I think that contributes to people feeling okay staying in. The few times we have done big trips, the story is different. But my boyfriend only knows the smaller trips.

    • ComatoseSquirrel@lemmy.ml
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      3 years ago

      Oh man, this is relatable.

      If I’m visiting my parents, my mom insists on “visiting” – that is, either sitting and talking endlessly, playing boardgames, watching a movie together, or going out to do something. She has complained about us being unsociable for sitting and reading for an hour or two after spending the whole day doing things she wants.

      My in-laws, on the other hand… don’t. There is absolutely no pressure to do anything. They are just happy to have us there, regardless of what we choose to do (or not do). Speaking from 13 years of experience with them: it’s awesome.

  • frequency@lemmy.world
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    3 years ago

    Some cultures eat with their mouths open and it is considered as a kind of a compliment to the cook, like “hey it’s so good, it makes me do this loud noise while I eat it”. Quite unpleasant.

    • datendefekt@lemmy.ml
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      3 years ago

      Haha, reminds me of the scene in the beginning of the film The Gods must be Crazy where you see someone getting in the car to drive down the driveway to pick up the mail.

  • HallaWorld@lemmy.ml
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    3 years ago

    I spent a few years in the US, coming from Scandinavia. It took several months before I was able to navigate the whole “strike up a conversation with anyone”-thing. The issue wasn’t so much being “forced” into conversations (which I got used to fairly quickly) as it was knowing when these interactions were considered over by the other party. I’d often, unintentionally, overstay my welcome. The general vibe and attitude were also quite different.

    The biggest shock was however moving back home. I’m originally from one of the larger cities in my home country, but ended up in a tiny village through a series of coincidences. Going from a multi-million US city to a tiny Scandinavian mountain village was rough. Went from a place filled with outgoing people to a place where the cashier in the local store still took me for a tourist after having lived there for a year. An almost impenetrable society. I’ve been here for a decade now, and have long since realized that I will always be “that guy from XYZ”. On the plus side, it’s nice not having to deal with people beyond my own family an coworkers. On the negative side I have almost no sense of belonging here outside of my wife’s family who are all local.

    • OsakaWilson@lemmy.world
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      3 years ago

      You need to join a club or take a class. That is the Norwegian way of breaking the silence. Instant connection.

      • HallaWorld@lemmy.ml
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        3 years ago

        Clubs are a good place to meet people for sure. :)

        That whole local vs not is kind of crazy though. I know of a guy who’s been here for 40 years, huge part of the local community, everyone knows him - and everyone still referes to him as “the guy from the north”. I find it equal parts hilarious/sad-ish. I dread to think what it would feel like to be a foreigner here, and not just some guy who moved in from a city a few hours down the road. I get it though on some level, historically it’s been a very isolated community, and even now getting here (or getting away) can be difficult, practically speaking, in the winter months.

  • Chais@sh.itjust.works
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    3 years ago

    German living in Canada since 2018. Couple of things:

    • There’s no bread culture. It’s all toast, with the exception of French breads. But I saw brown colored toast sold as pumpernickel. A travesty.
    • The love for bland food. I know, there was a demonization campaign against salt in the 80s or something. But you gotta get over it. Feels like you’re saving salt from the cooking to put it on the road in the winter.
    • The healthcare system is a joke. “bUt It’S bEtTeR tHaN iN tHe Us.” As if that’s difficult. Only difference is your dumpster isn’t on fire, yet.
    • THE ABSOLUTE TRASH THAT’S SOLD AS TOILET PAPER! Honestly my biggest pet peeve. TP here is flimsy and overpriced. >1$ for a roll of 2-ply or >2$ per roll of 3-ply, but both tear if you so much as look at them the wrong way.
    • FarceMultiplier@lemmy.ca
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      3 years ago

      Bread: you are right. It’s universally terrible. In larger cities there are European bakeries that are better.

      Bland food: Yep. It’s a mix of the worst of American northwestern food with bland British food. It’s getting better though, especially in BC.

      No comment on health care.

      Toilet paper is this way in Canada due to so many people living with septic tanks or lagoons, I believe.