Whenever I got hurt, my grandmother would say “It’ll get better before you’re married!” I use that to this day with my nieces and nephews, who are not amused.
“Tables are for glasses, not asses.”
~ My grandpa, whenever someone sat on a table.“Better an empty house, than a bad tenant” after every loud fart.
“How are you ever gonna keep a job if you can’t keep juice in a cup?!”
I was 9 years old
My grandpa had a million one liners, most were somewhat inappropriate but here’s a fun one. He’d say, “Did anyone get hurt in that wreck?” To any of my friends that drove over. When they inevitably asked “what wreck?” He’d say, “the one you pulled up in.” This was devastating to the ones who were super proud of their cars. Lol
In response to someone saying “oh my god” every single time, without fail:
“Well he’s my god too!”
My dad would say “my name is dad” to people saying “oh my god” to anything he did
My grandpa was german. In german,
jetztwhich in english would be pronounced something like “yetst”, means “now”. His whole life he would use “yet” in place of where an english-native speaker would say “now”, and i always thought that was adorable.Anything bad happens:
My grandad: “FLAMING JACKSAWS AND BUCKETS OF BLOOD!”
He was never in a metal band that I’m aware of.
My grandma would say “he can put his boots at the foot of my bed.” My grandma had the hots for lots of younger country singers.
My mom used to say Robert Redford could park his shoes under her bed anytime.
“who is she? The cats mother?”
If you ever refer to my grandmother as “she” or “her” she will cut you off to say that.
My grandmother used to say that too!
“A boat is a hole in the water you throw money in.” - Grandpa
“It’s like that for a while…then it gets worse.” - Grandpa
“Even the worst pizza is still pretty damn good.” - Grandpa
No idea if, or who, he may have stolen those sayings from but I’ll always remember him for them.
“You don’t have to shovel rain.” - My grandfather when asked why he moved the family from Wisconsin to Oregon.
Now, that’s wisdom I can get behind! 🤙🏼 (raised out yonder in the mitten, now happily left coast rooted)
When my grandmother met my now wife, who is from Alabama, my grandmother told her “well, we all have to be from somewhere”
As someone who’s family is from Alabama, I hard agree with your grandma. Where was she from? And can I steal her line?
My grandma was from the Midwest, mostly South Dakota. My grandma was very sweet and so it really cracked us up when she said that.
That to me sounds like a very northern state phrase. I can absolutely hear my grandma saying that (not saying you/they are, just made me smile thinking of that)
My grandmother used to say: if you expect your good deed to be reciprocated, you’re not actually doing a good deed.
She said it in dutch, so I hope it’s an decent translation.
I’ve heard this one put similarly: “If you’re looking for something in return, even your good deeds are an extension of your selfishness.”
A blind man would be happy to see that. (About a task completed poorly on a jobsite)
