He’s dead, so stop looking. He’s not in a Russian basement with electrodes on his balls or anything, he’s dead!
-Russian government
You want a some DNA? I can get you a some DNA, believe me. There are ways, Dude.
with electrodes on his balls
That sounds kind of hot tho
“Russia says”
When the news came, he was killed by Putin. Now, he couldn’t be dead, but being tortured in some hell governed by Putin. Quite the propaganda around here.
Russia says
So he’s definitely (not) dead, right?
He’s getting tortured somewhere
Given that the only man who wanted to kill him and could kill him is Putin, so he’s dead. There’s no reason for him to fake it.
Could have just done launched a missile inventory audit.
From the government who was falsifying drug test at the Olympics using their secret service. Right…
Ah, but what’s their story as to why the plane crashed?
It fell off a window.
Videos show it missing a wing while dropping like a stone from the clouds.
It goes without saying but missing a wing is one of the main things that planes are designed never to do, so either they didn’t catch the part where the wing exploded or you’ve got some serious sabotage going on
The plane was depressed and committed suicide. Such is life in Russia.
Plane falls out of sky, find DNA, assume person is dead? You just got fooled by the oldest trick in the book. i.e., The reason Bane does a quick blood transfusion at the start of Dark Knight Rises.
It was an accident. He fell out through a window in the plane
